Depression is REAL!

It's funny how things in life work out. There are many obstacles and things we have to go through to figure out what it is we were meant to do on this earth. Life is far from perfect and I know for me I have gone through so many things, that have in the end made me a better person.

Depression is one of those things. Before I touch on this let me just tell you that you never know who is battling this sick disease. You never know who really just needs a friend or a shoulder to cry on. I talked a couple posts ago about judging people. How, we, as humans tend to sometimes judge people because of the way they look, dress, walk, talk, etc... I'm guilty. I have had more love for people since I have had some things happen and realize that we are all equal in the eyes of god. We all deserve happiness and we all deserve to have people who genuinely care about us. the bottom line is we just never know what is really going on inside the minds of people.

When I started this blog I wanted to be open, honest, and I wanted to be real. I wanted it to be a positive place for me to talk. So please bare with me as I discuss something that I have never talked about. Something that almost is embarrassing for me to talk about, because how could I be depressed? I have such a great life. We do so many fun things. How could I seriously be battling this? Am I just ungrateful? I would tell myself to get over it. Just be strong. Suck it up.

There are many things that played into me going to this dark place in my life. From placing my baby for adoption to being adopted. I started to feel bad for myself because of all these things I have had to go through. I started eating my pain away. I gained so much weight, it was disgusting. I started not to care about things. I would wake up in the morning and dread going to work. I would come home and dread being a mom. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, but I knew that I couldn't. I had to fight away the demons in my mind and just focus on getting through the day.

I started having thoughts about not being on this earth anymore. I thought my kids would be better off without me. I had joked (but really meant) around with my husband that I needed to go check myself into a hospital because I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I needed a break from life.

I prayed to god a lot during this time and just begged for some peace in my life. I begged to please take these demons away and help me fight to survive. Help me fight this awful disease. Depression sucks, but it is so real.

Once you realize it, attack it. Depression is not fun. It's not fun to hide and it's not fun to carry around. It's evil and can hurt so many people. I hope that if you in any way feel depressed or stressed out, go talk to someone, go to the dr, talk to a close family member, do anything. Writing in this blog has changed by life.

God, he answered my prayers. He sent me one of the greatest blessings and I can't wait to share that experience, but, until then, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for letting me share my deepest secret with you.

I know that my kids are what pushed me through. Without them even knowing it. I am so grateful for them and love them with all my heart. My husband also, thank you for making me realize that I have so much to live for.

CYH,

Chelsea

13 REASONS WHY ...

After posting the above, I watched the series 13 Reasons why on Netflix. If you haven't watched this yet, Please GO WATCH IT! It is an eye opener. This doesn't just happen to young teenagers it can happen to anybody.

One simple thing that is said can ruin someones life. Are we strong enough to stand up to that person and tell them to knock it off? Are we strong enough to walk up to the person that has been hurt and say sorry and offer help? Are we strong enough to do what's right?

This show changed how I think about people. I am sure I have hurt people in the past and I'm positive people have hurt me. I know for a fact I wasn't strong enough to stand up for someone being bullied, I was scared. As Clay said, WE MUST DO SOMETHING! WE MUST CHANGE THE WAY WE ACT TOWARDS PEOPLE! We must love and respect people for who they are.

I've never had anybody close to me commit suicide, and I truly hope that if I have any friends or family at that point in their lives they reach out for help. It's never to late and you are wanted.

Depression can play games with your mind. You can talk yourself into truly believing that nobody cares. I, like Hannah, know exactly how that feels. It is not a fun battle to fight, but it's one that must be fought.

I didn't reach out to anybody, I never talked about my pain, or demons fighting inside me, instead someone was listening when the spirit told them it was time. For me that was enough. NEVER push those feelings away! Someone might need that one simple question: How are you doing?

I pray that I can be more christlike and love people for who they are. I think once we realize other people are just as important, it will be easier to see past their weaknesses.

Which Character are you? For me, I have been in one too many of these characters shoes! Good and bad! It's never too late to change. Now is the time!

Here is the hotline for the national suicide prevention.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Here are a few pictures of the people who have truly kept me going, without even knowing!